The Seer Overheard: An MST3K Scene
by Abagael
Summary: This is an MST3K entry for the JC House Cup 2010, in which Draco and Pansy have a domestic during a scene from 'Half-Blood Prince.'


**THE SEER OVERHEARD**

(In which Draco and Pansy have a domestic mid-scene while reading Half-Blood Prince).

_The fact that Harry Potter was going out with Ginny Weasley–_

Draco: *barf*

Pansy: Hush, Draco, this is romantic!

Draco: Romantic? Pansy, this is Potter we're talking about. Potter. The bane of our existence, remember? And Weasel's sister – freckles and red hair and all. It's barf-o-riffic, is what it is.

_–seemed to interest a great number of people, most of them girls– _

Draco: *snort*

_–yet Harry found himself newly and happily impervious to gossip over the next few weeks. After all, it made a very nice change to be talked about because of something that was making him happier than he could remember being for a very long time, rather than because he had been involved in horrific scenes of Dark magic. _

Draco: Horrific scenes? Potter's hair is horrific.

Pansy: Draco, hush! Don't make me tell you again.

Draco: Or what? You'll smother me to death with your simpering? I think I'll take my chances.

Pansy: You're rude and obnoxious.

Draco: Gee, you've only just noticed that?

Pansy: Shut up, please.

_'You'd think people had better things to gossip about,' said Ginny, as she sat on the common-room floor, leaning against Harry's legs and reading the Daily Prophet. 'Three Dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it's true you've got a Hippogriff tattooed across your chest.'_

Draco: Oh, please!

Pansy: You know, you should get a tattoo, Draco. It would make you seem more masculine.

Draco: You don't think I'm masculine enough already?

Pansy: No comment.

Draco: Oh, you witch!

_Ron and Hermione both roared with laughter. _

Draco: They would.

Pansy: I said shut up!

Draco: Hmph.

_Harry ignored them. ___

_'What did you tell her?'___

_'I told her it's a Hungarian Horntail,' said Ginny, turning a page of the newspaper idly. 'Much more macho.'_

Draco: Well I think it sounds gay.

Pansy: You're gay.

Draco: Shut up.

_'Thanks,' said Harry, grinning. 'And what did you tell her Ron's got?'___

_'A Pygmy Puff, but I didn't say where.'___

_Ron scowled as Hermione rolled around laughing. _

Draco: Now, you've got to admit, that's funny.

Pansy: It's a little funny.

_'Watch it,' he said, pointing warningly at Harry and Ginny. 'Just because I've given my permission doesn't mean I can't withdraw it–'___

_'"Your permission",' scoffed Ginny. 'Since when did you give me permission to do anything? Anyway, you said yourself you'd rather it was Harry than Michael or Dean.' ___

_'Yeah, I would,' said Ron grudgingly. 'And just as long as you don't start snogging each other in public–'_

Draco: Oh, foul! I don't want to think of any of those two-bit Gryffindors procreating, or – dare I say it – snogging. *shudder*

Pansy: You don't want to think of anyone snogging because you're a prude.

Draco: No, I just don't want to think of the Weaselette and Potter playing tonsil hockey and, ugh, that's done it. Here comes breakfast, back again…

Pansy: You are such a drama queen, honestly! I'd quite like to snog Potter, just once.

Draco: *gasp* Traitor!

_'You filthy hypocrite! What about you and Lavender, thrashing around like a pair of eels all over the place?' demanded Ginny. _

Draco: Now that's an image I really didn't need. It's going to be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I'm going to die picturing the Weasel and his equally repulsive girlfriend making out like seafood on a couch. Foul!

Pansy: You really need to get laid already.

Draco: Shut up.

_But Ron's tolerance was not to be tested as much as they moved into June, for Harry and Ginny's time together was becoming increasingly restricted. Ginny's O.W.L.s were approaching and she was therefore forced to revise for hours into the night. _

Draco: See, Potter's not getting any, either.

Pansy: He might be. You don't know that. Just because he says the Weaselette's busy with study doesn't mean that don't have time for a quickie in the library or something.

Draco: You're disgusting; do you know that?

Pansy: I'm rolling my eyes here because you're ridiculous.

_On one such evening, when Ginny had retired to the library and Harry was sitting beside the window in the common room, supposedly finishing his Herbology homework but in reality reliving a particularly happy hour he had spent down by the lake with Ginny at lunch-time–_

Draco: That's it. I'm going to vomit. Brb.

Pansy: You pansy! It's just a bit of romance. It never hurt anyone.

_–Hermione dropped into the seat between him and Ron with an unpleasantly purposeful look on her face. ___

_'I want to talk to you, Harry.'___

_'What about?' said Harry suspiciously. Only the previous day, Hermione had told him off for distracting Ginny when she ought to be working hard for her examinations. _

Pansy: I'd like to be distracted by Harry Potter.

Draco: …

Pansy: I would.

_'The so-called Half-Blood Prince.'___

_'Oh, not again,' he groaned. 'Will you please drop it?'___

_He had not dared to return to the Room of Requirement to retrieve his book, and his performance in Potions was suffering accordingly– __  
_  
Draco: So that's how he got so good so quickly! I knew it had to be some kind of trick!

Pansy: Welcome back, drama queen. Did you have a nice spew?

Draco: I did, actually, thank you for the concern. Now where were we?

Pansy: I was daydreaming about snogging Potter.

Draco: Excuse me, I'll-I'll be back…

_–(though Slughorn, who approved of Ginny, had jocularly attributed this to Harry being lovesick). But Harry was sure that Snape had not yet given up hope of laying hands on the Prince's book, and was determined to leave it where it was while Snape remained on the lookout. ___

_'I'm not dropping it,' said Hermione firmly, 'until you've heard me out. Now, I've been trying to find out a bit about who might make a hobby of inventing Dark spells–'___

_'He didn't make a hobby of it–'_

Draco: He should be handed a ticket straight to Azkaban for what he did.

Pansy: You're not even scarred, Draco.

Draco: How would you know?

Pansy: Hmph.  
_  
__'He, he – who says it's a he?' ___

_'We've been through this,' said Harry crossly. 'Prince, Hermione, Prince!'___

_'Right!' said Hermione, red patches blazing her cheeks as she pulled a very old piece of newsprint out of her pocket and slammed it down on the table in front of Harry. 'Look at that! Look at the picture!'_

Pansy: I wish I could see the picture to know what it is they're looking at. It's really quite annoying.

Draco: _You're_ quite annoying.

Pansy: Shut up.  
_  
__Harry picked up the crumbling piece of paper and stared at the moving photograph, yellowed with age; Ron leaned over for a look, too. The picture showed a skinny girl of around fifteen. She was not pretty; she looked simultaneously cross and sullen, with heavy brows and a long, pallid face. _

Draco: Ha! She sounds just like you, Pansy!

Pansy: …

Draco: Ouch! You witch! You just hexed me!

_Underneath the photograph was the caption: Eileen Prince, Captain of the Hogwarts Gobstones Team. ___

_'So?' said Harry, scanning the short news item to which the picture belonged; it was a rather dull story about inter-school competitions. ___

_'Her name was Eileen Prince. Prince, Harry.'___

_They looked at each other and Harry realised what Hermione was trying to say. He burst out laughing. ___

_'No way.'___

_'What?'___

_'You think she was the Half-Blood…? Oh, come on.'___

_'Well, why not? Harry, there aren't any real princes in the wizarding world! It's either a nickname, a made-up title somebody's given themselves, or it could be their actual name, couldn't it? No, listen! If, say, her father was a wizard whose surname was "Prince", and her mother was a Muggle, then that would make her a "half-blood Prince"!'___

_'Yeah, very ingenious, Hermione…'___

_'But it would! Maybe she was proud of being half a Prince!'_

Draco: I wouldn't be. And the Mudblood's wrong. I'm practically royalty as it is, so there are Princes in the wizarding world.

Pansy: You only think you're royalty, Draco – there's a difference.

Draco: Yeah, well, you're-you're…

Pansy: What, Draco?

Draco: You're more ugly than Eileen Prince. _Ouch_, Pansy!

_'Listen, Hermione, I can tell it's not a girl. I can just tell.'___

_'The truth is that you don't think a girl would have been clever enough,' said Hermione angrily. _

Draco: I certainly don't think a girl would have been clever enough. _Ouch_, Pansy! Merlin!

Pansy: And that was the Bat Bogey Hex. You can thank Ginny Weasley for teaching me that one.  
_  
__'How can I have hung round with you for five years and not think girls are clever?' said Harry, stung by this. 'It's the way he writes. I just know the Prince was a bloke, I can tell. This girl hasn't got anything to do with it. Where did you get this, anyway?'___

_'The library,' said Hermione, predictably. 'There's a whole collection of old Prophets up there. Well, I'm going to find out more about Eileen Prince if I can.'___

_'Enjoy yourself,' said Harry irritably. ___

_'I will,' said Hermione. 'And the first place I'll look,' she shot at him, as she reached the portrait hole, 'is records of old Potions awards!'___

_Harry scowled after her for a moment, then continued his contemplation of the darkening sky. _

Draco: Potter's contemplating the sky? Ha! What a tool!

Pansy: Some people are sensitive. *sniff*

Draco: Yeah, and some people are tools.

Pansy: Don't make me hex you again…

_'She's just never got over you outperforming her in Potions,' said Ron, returning to his copy of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. ___

_'You don't think I'm mad, wanting that book back, do you?'___

_'Course not,' said Ron robustly. 'He was a genius, the Prince. Anyway… without his bezoar tip…' he drew his finger significantly across his own throat, 'I wouldn't be here to discuss it, would I? I mean, I'm not saying that spell you used on Malfoy was great–'___

_'Nor am I,' said Harry quickly._

Draco: Yeah, right! He wanted to cut me up that night. It was a planned attack.

Pansy: Potter's sorry and you know it, Draco. Stop being such a baby.

Draco: I'm not being a baby. I wish it were you'd who'd got all cut up. Then you could have felt for yourself how very close I actually came to _dying_.

Pansy: Whatever.  
_  
__'But he healed all right, didn't he? Back on his feet in no time.'_

Draco: I was not! I was traumatised for weeks after! I still am! That night haunts me every time I close my eyes!

Pansy: You know I kind of wish Potter had finished you right now.

Draco: And I wish that Nagini would swallow you whole, but we don't always get what we want in life.

Pansy: *sigh* Ain't that the truth.

_'Yeah,' said Harry; this was perfectly true, although his conscience squirmed slightly all the same. 'Thanks to Snape…'_

Draco: See? Only a slight squirming! He's hardly sorry at all.

Pansy: I wouldn't be either, at this point.

Draco: Oh, you are so irritating.

Pansy: The feeling's mutual, Draco dear.

_'You still got detention with Snape this Saturday?' Ron continued. ___

_'Yeah, and the Saturday after that, and the Saturday after that,' sighed Harry. 'And he's hinting now that if I don't get all the boxes done by the end of term, we'll carry on next year.'_

Draco: Totally deserved, by the way.

Pansy: You would say that.

Draco: Why don't you just leave this conversation if you're going to continue being so horrible? Seriously, just go.

Pansy: No! This is my commentary just as much as yours.

Draco: How did you become so hateful, anyway? I thought you were, like, in love with me, or something?

Pansy: I was. But that was a long time ago. Now I'm devoting my time to get Potter to notice me.

Draco: Good luck with that.

Pansy: Good luck with being a git.

Draco: Shut up.

Pansy: No, you shut up.

Draco: Child.

Pansy: Git.

Draco: TRAITOR!

Pansy: Says the person whose parents turned against the Dark Lord at the last minute.

Draco: I'm shutting up now.

Pansy: Good, you do that. I'm off to find Potter and snog him senseless.

Draco: Thanks for the visual there.

Pansy: No problem.


End file.
